No Children
No Children is the 7th song on the album Tallahassee. ''It was performed by Laura Stevenson in ''Tallahassee Turns Ten. It is arguably the most popular Mountain Goats song to date, garnering over 1,000,000 views on Youtube as well as being featured on an episode of Morel Orel. Lyrics I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a failsafe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town Again in my life I hope I lie And tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do Yeah I hope I never get sober And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die Comments by John Darnielle About this Song *"Anyway, if you like this song and you know the words, I should like for you to sing it like you mean it, all of the words, because there may come a day, there may come a day when you're gonna need the words to this song. You'll be sitting there, going, 'What has become of my marriage? This blows!' I want you to remember that I gave you a little something that you could sing, because when that time comes, there won't be much to do besides sing." -- 2006-08-10 - 40 Watt Club - Athens, GA *"I meant to tell you something about that song. The last time I was here was in 2001...I drove to the airport in Des Moines, and, that's where I lived at the time, was in Ames, Iowa. And I drove to Des Moines, and on the way into Des Moines, I heard a song that was very popular at the time, because Des Moines is very into country radio, and it was that 'I Hope You Dance' song, right? And I was listening and I thought 'God, this is horrifying! This is a terrible, terrible song, teaching people awful lies! And I was sorta singing along at the same time because it had a catchy melody. And the song goes 'I hope you dance, I hope you dance!', right? And I just sorta vamped on it, I went like 'I hope you die, I hope you die!', right? And I thought 'Well, that's an idea, isn't it?' So I scribbled it down on a receipt, and I tucked it into my pocket, and I got on the plane in Des Moines, and flew to Athens. And I had an idea or two. And Team Claremont checked me into the Days Inn, and I had a couple hours to kill, and I wrote the first verse. And I was like 'Oh God, I hope I remember this song, it seems like a good idea'. So, thank you all for that." -- 2006-08-10 - 40 Watt Club - Athens, GA *"You're up to a point in the marriage where you say 'look, I have to be honest. Perhaps I have not been honest with you before. And I cannot place blame for that anywhere but on my own head. I am the one who has not been honest. Perhaps I am he with whom the fault lay. But that in no way invalidates the feelings I need to share with you now. So leave us not go to the discussion where we talk about maybe I should've said something earlier, because that's not gonna be a helpful discussion. Perhaps my feelings would be better addressed in song.'" -- 2008-03-05 - Troubadour - Los Angeles, CA *"This is a song about people who like to drink too much. People who like to break windows...All this stuff sounds good right about until year three. This song is about the night on which the romantic part of the alcoholic marriage sees the last vestige of its romance go up like a puff of steam, and yellow against the light in the kitchen, sorta burn itself into the globe over the light there, permanently." -- 2012-01-31 - Visulite Theatre - Charlotte, NC *"People ask me to play this song at their weddings. I'm flattered and honored, and I decline to play this song at anybody's wedding. I keep waiting for somebody to say, 'Well, we're having the final hearing. You remember I asked you to play this at our wedding? I was wondering if you'd come to this little office, it's off of Frontage Road, it's very nondescript—they share a space with a massage therapist and an insurance guy, and you could come and play this song at the hearing, and sing it like you mean it.' I keep waiting for that 'cause I think, don't tell anybody, but I think if somebody said 'John, come play No Children at my divorce hearing', how could I say no? -- 2012-05-06 - The Metro - Sydney, Australia Things Referenced in this Song Live Shows this Song Was Played at *2002-10-23 - Bottom of the Hill - San Francisco, CA *2002-11-01 - The Empty Bottle - Chicago, IL *2003-06-27 - Mains D'oeuvres, Mofo Festival - Paris, France *2003-09-26 - Walter's on Washington - Houston, TX *2003-09-27 - Mercury - Austin, TX *2003-10-04 - Tractor Tavern - Seattle, WA *2004-02-18 - The EARL - Atlanta, GA *2004-02-20 - Vinyl Fever - Tallahassee, FL *2004-02-20 - Will's Pub - Orlando, FL *2004-10-04 - Magic Stick - Detroit, MI *2005-03-04 - Gate City Noise - Greensboro, NC *2005-10-13 - Open End Gallery - Chicago, IL *2005-10-29 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY *2006-06-09 - Nuemo's - Seattle, WA *2006-06-10 - Doug Fir Lounge - Portland, OR *2006-06-13 - Bottom of the Hill - San Francisco, CA *2006-07-29 - Pitchfork Music Festival - Union Park - Chicago, IL *2006-08-10 - 40 Watt Club - Athens, GA *2006-09-16 - The Empty Bottle - Chicago, IL *2006-09-24 - Pearl Street Clubroom - Northampton, MA *2006-09-26 - Middle East Downstairs - Cambridge, MA *2006-09-29 - Club Europa - Brooklyn, NY *2006-09-30 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY *2006-10-01 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY *2006-11-03 - The EARL - Atlanta, GA *2007-01-02 - Club Capitol - Perth, Australia *2007-03-04 - Doug Fir Lounge - Portland, OR *2007-03-07 - The Independent - San Francisco, CA *2007-03-31 - Fritz's Corner @ Debaser - Stockholm, Sweden *2007-04-03 - Garage - Oslo, Norway *2007-05-05 - Local 506 - Chapel Hill, NC *2007-05-11 - Sound Fix - Brooklyn, NY *2007-06-16 - Zoop - Farm Sanctuary - Watkins Glen, NY *2007-09-20 - The Black Cat - Washington, D.C. *2007-09-21 - Sonar - Baltimore, MD *2007-09-25 - Lee's Palace - Toronto, Ontario *2007-09-30 - Middle East Downstairs - Cambridge, MA *2007-10-01 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY *2007-10-02 - Studio B - Brooklyn, NY *2007-11-06 - Hi-Dive - Denver, CO *2008-02-25 - Doug Fir Lounge - Portland, OR *2008-03-01 - The Independent - San Francisco, CA *2008-03-05 - Troubadour - Los Angeles, CA *2008-03-14 - Museum of Fine Arts - Boston, MA *2008-03-19 - Music Hall of Williamsburg - Brooklyn, NY *2008-06-06 - Natural History Museum - Los Angeles, CA *2008-08-02 - Bull City Headquarters - Durham, NC *2008-08-17 - Folks Festival - Lyons, CO *2008-09-14 - End of the Road Festival - Dorset, England *2008-09-15 - ULU - London, England *2008-10-13 - Park West - Chicago, IL *2008-10-17 - Bluebird Theater - Denver, CO *2008-10-18 - In the Venue - Salt Lake City, UT *2008-10-20 - The Showbox - Seattle, WA *2008-10-21 - Wonder Ballroom - Portland, OR *2008-10-24 - The Fillmore - San Francisco, CA *2008-10-28 - Belly Up Tavern - San Diego, CA *2008-10-31 - Tequila Jungle - Lubbock, TX *2008-11-02 - Granada Theater - Dallas, TX *2008-11-03 - Republic - New Orleans, LA *2008-11-05 - Cat's Cradle - Chapel Hill, NC *2008-11-06 - 9:30 Club - Washington, D.C. *2008-11-07 - Theater of the Living Arts - Philadelphia, PA *2008-11-08 - Music Hall of Williamsburg - Brooklyn, NY *2008-11-09 - Webster Hall - New York, NY *2008-12-06 - Cambridge Hotel - Newcastle, Australia *2008-12-09 - The Rosemount - Perth, Australia *2008-12-10 - Billboard - Melbourne, Australia *2008-12-12 - Republic Bar - Hobart, Australia *2008-12-14 - The Zoo - Brisbane, Australia *2008-12-17 - Kings Arms - Auckland, New Zealand *2008-12-18 - San Francisco Bath House - Wellington, New Zealand *2009-02-25 - Swedish American Hall - San Francisco, CA *2009-03-07 - Harvest of Hope Festival - St. Augustine, FL *2009-03-18 - The Grey Eagle - Asheville, NC *2009-03-20 - Attucks Theatre - Norfolk, VA *2009-03-21 - Sixth & I Historic Synagogue - Washington, D.C. *2009-03-24 - Pearl Street - Northampton, MA *2009-03-25 - Somerville Theater - Somerville, MA *2009-03-27 - The Society for Ethical Culture - New York, NY *2009-03-29 - Kenyon College - Gambier, OH *2009-03-30 - Oberlin College - Oberlin, OH *2009-04-01 - Portage Theater - Chicago, IL *2009-04-02 - Courtyard Café at University of Illinois - Champaign, IL *2009-04-03 - Mission Creek Music Festival - The Mill - Iowa City, IA *2009-04-06 - Buskirk-Chumley Theater - Bloomington, IN *2009-06-14 - Zoop II - Farm Sanctuary - Watkins Glen, NY *2009-10-11 - Ruby Lounge - Manchester, England *2009-10-15 - Magnet - Berlin, Germany *2009-11-05 - The Metro - Chicago, IL *2009-11-06 - High Noon Saloon - Madison, WI *2009-11-07 - Minnesota Public Radio Session *2009-11-10 - The Showbox - Seattle, WA *2009-11-14 - The Fillmore - San Francisco, CA *2009-11-15 - Henry Fonda Theater - Los Angeles, CA *2009-11-18 - Antones - Austin, TX *2009-11-19 - Granada Theater - Dallas, TX *2009-11-20 - Mercy Lounge - Nashville, TN *2009-11-21 - Variety Playhouse - Atlanta, GA *2009-11-27 - 9:30 Club - Washington, D.C. *2009-11-28 - Theater of the Living Arts - Philadelphia, PA *2009-11-29 - Wilbur Theatre - Boston, MA *2009-12-01 - Webster Hall - New York, NY *2009-12-02 - Bell House - Brooklyn, NY *2010-03-13 - Harvest of Hope Festival - St. Augustine, FL *2010-03-14 - The Social - Orlando, FL *2010-04-09 - San Francisco Bath House - Wellington, New Zealand *2010-04-11 - The Zoo - Brisbane, Australia *2010-04-13 - Manning Bar - Sydney, Australia *2010-04-14 - The Corner Hotel - Melbourne, Australia *2010-04-16 - Fowlers Live - Adelaide, Australia *2010-04-18 - The Rosemount Hotel - Perth, Australia *2010-05-30 - Doug Fir Lounge - Portland, OR *2010-05-31 - Sasquatch Music Festival - George, WA *2010-06-02 - The Rickshaw Theatre - Vancouver, British Columbia *2010-06-04 - Neurolux - Boise, ID *2010-06-07 - Macewan Hall - Calgery, Alberta *2010-06-08 - Edmonton Event Centre - Edmonton, Alberta *2010-06-12 - Blue Moose Tap House - Iowa City, IA *2010-06-13 - The Slowdown - Omaha, NE *2010-06-15 - Gothic Theatre - Denver, CO *2010-06-16 - Urban Lounge - Salt Lake City, UT *2010-07-31 - Holidays for Quince Benefit - The Pinhook - Durham, NC *2010-09-04 - FYF Fest - Los Angeles State Historic Park - Los Angeles, CA *2010-09-08 - Brudenell Social Club - Leeds, England *2010-09-09 - Koko - London, England *2010-09-10 - End of the Road Festival - Salisbury, England *2010-10-04 - The Bottleneck - Lawrence, KS *2010-10-05 - The Blue Note - Columbia, MO *2010-10-06 - Academy of Contemporary Music @ UCO - Oklahoma City, OK *2010-10-08 - Austin City Limits Festival - Austin, TX *2010-10-19 - Tin Angel - Philadelphia, PA *2010-12-17 - Brome for the Holidays - King's Barcade - Raleigh, NC *2011-02-15 - University of Washington - Meany Hall - Seattle, WA *2011-03-25 - 9:30 Club - Washington, D.C. *2011-03-26 - Strand-Capitol Performing Arts Center - York, PA *2011-03-28 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY *2011-03-30 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY *2011-04-01 - Paradise Rock Club - Boston, MA *2011-04-02 - Castaways - Ithaca, NY *2011-04-03 - The Opera House - Toronto, Ontario *2011-04-05 - The Vic Theatre - Chicago, IL *2011-04-06 - Mercy Lounge - Nashville, TN *2011-04-07 - Variety Playhouse - Atlanta, GA *2011-04-08 - Cat's Cradle - Chapel Hill, NC *2011-04-10 - The Grey Eagle - Asheville, NC *2011-04-11 - Wexner Center - Columbus, OH *2011-04-12 - Mr. Smalls - Pittsburgh, PA *2011-04-14 - Ottobar - Baltimore, MD *2011-04-15 - Theater of the Living Arts - Philadelphia, PA *2011-05-22 - Whelan's - Dublin, Ireland *2011-05-24 - Coalition - Brighton, England *2011-05-25 - Koko - London, England *2011-05-27 - Manchester Academy 3 - Manchester, England *2011-05-28 - Brudenell Social Club - Leeds, England *2011-06-24 - Soho Restaurant and Music Club - Santa Barbara, CA *2011-12-16 - Troubadour - Los Angeles, CA *2012-01-23 - Club Downunder - Tallahassee, FL *2012-01-31 - Visulite Theatre - Charlotte, NC *2012-04-19 - Benefit to Defeat Amendment One - Motorco - Durham, NC *2012-04-21 - The Gargoyle - St. Louis, MO *2012-05-06 - The Metro - Sydney, Australia *2012-06-30 - McCabe's Guitar Shop - Santa Monica, CA *2012-09-01 - Front Porch Music Festival - Livermore, CA *2012-10-15 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY *2012-12-13 - Troubadour - West Hollywood, CA *2012-12-14 - The Fillmore - San Francisco, CA *2012-12-16 - Aladdin Theater - Portland, OR *2013-01-20 - Rock for Roe at The Pinhook - Durham, NC *2013-05-01 - Legends Club at Appalachian State University - Boone, NC *2013-06-03 - 9:30 Club - Washington, D.C. *2013-06-04 - Strand-Capitol Performing Arts - York, PA *2013-06-05 - Maxwell's - Hoboken, NJ *2013-06-07 - Center Church on the Green - New Haven, CT *2013-06-08 - Port City Music Hall - Portland, ME *2013-06-11 - Carnegie Music Hall of Homestead - Munhall, PA *2013-06-12 - Majestic Theatre - Detroit, MI *2013-06-14 - Taft Ballroom - Cincinnati, OH *2013-06-15 - Buskirk-Chumley Theater - Bloomington, IN *2013-06-16 - Space - Evanston, IL *2013-06-17 - Lincoln Hall - Chicago, IL *2013-06-19 - The Record Bar - Kansas City, MO *2013-06-20 - Old Rock House - St. Louis, MO *2013-06-22 - The Bottletree - Birmingham, AL *2013-06-23 - High Dive - Gainesville, FL *2013-06-24 - Culture Room - Ft. Lauderdale, FL *2013-06-26 - The Charleston Pourhouse - Charleston, SC *2013-06-27 - New Brooklyn Tavern - West Columbia, SC *2013-06-28 - The Soapbox - Wilmington, NC *2013-07-06 - Festival for the Eno - Durham, NC *2013-10-07 - St. Georges - Bristol, England *2013-10-10 - Arches - Glasgow, Scotland *2013-10-13 - People's Place - Amsterdam, Netherlands *2013-10-14 - Luxor - Cologne, Germany *2013-10-18 - Teatre Conde Duque - Madrid, Spain *2013-10-19 - Caprichos de Apolo - Barcelona, Spain Category:Tallahassee songs